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Home > Grooming

Grooming

What is grooming?

A definition and introduction to grooming. Listen to the audio on this video below.

Grooming is a something that some people use to trick young people into thinking they have a trusting relationship with them. Groomers will do this over a long period of time and will work hard to develop an emotional connection with the young person. In some cases groomers will also groom the young person’s family, so that they are able to manipulate, exploit and sexually abuse the young person. Groomers will work very hard to gain a young person’s trust and to make them feel special; this can take place over weeks, months or even years.

Who can be a groomer?

Groomers are not always strangers. They could be a family member, a friend or a neighbour.

It can be difficult to understand when grooming is happening because often the groomer will make the child believe that they are in a relationship that is ‘normal’.

Grooming can happen face-to-face or online.

computer and phone.

Protecting young people from grooming

The following information is important for young people to be aware of. People online can easily hide who they really are and online groomers are really good at lying. Which means it can be difficult to know if someone is genuinely an online friend.

Do not

  • Don’t give out your personal information such as your address or phone number.
  • If anything you read or see online worries you, tell someone about it.
  • Never arrange to meet someone in person that you have met online.
  • Don’t become online ‘friends’ with someone you don’t know.
  • Don’t open emails or attachments from people you don’t know.
  • Don’t send pictures of yourself to anyone, especially explicit ones.

It can be difficult to understand if abuse is taking place, but some warning signs to watch out for can include:

  • Buying the young person presents, a new phone or clothes or giving the young person money to buy things.
  • Offering drugs and alcohol to the young person.
  • Sending lots of messages, either by text or email.
  • Sending sexual images to the young person.
  • Persuading or blackmailing the young person into sending explicit images of themselves.
  • They may try to isolate the young person from family and friends.
  • They may ask for sexual favours in return for gifts / money.
  • When they have gained the young person’s trust and affection, they may change how they act around them, becoming more controlling or violent.

It’s important to trust your instinct and if you feel that something is wrong in a relationship you have with someone, if you feel frightened, pressured, unsafe, threatened or trapped, then you must speak to someone you trust, such as a parent or carer and tell them how you feel.

close up of a persons shoes.

There are a lot of organisations and people who can give young people the advice, support and help needed to protect them.

I’m being groomed

Information and advice for young people being groomed.

Grooming is not your fault, it is a crime and is unlawful. The most important thing you can do is to tell someone you trust what is happening so that they can help you.

Do

  • Ask the person to stop. Tell them you don’t feel comfortable with what they are asking of you.
  • Tell an adult you trust. You may feel scared to talk to someone about this, or be worried you may get into trouble, but telling someone can really help you to get out of a difficult situation.
  • Report it (or ask an adult to) to the Police. There is a special part of the Police that is responsible for protecting children and young people from grooming called CEOP.

I’m worried about somebody else

Information and advice for young people worried about someone else being groomed.

If someone is being groomed, it can be hard for them to talk about, even with a friend. Sometimes they might be feeling embarrassed or ashamed, or they may think that by telling someone the problems will only get worse or they will get into trouble. This isn’t true, and by telling people, the person being groomed will be able to get lots of help and support

If you are worried that a friend or someone you know is being groomed or they’ve confided in you, they might not want you to tell anyone, however, it’s important that you speak to someone you trust and get help and support for them, as this is the only way that grooming will stop.  Your friend might be angry with you at first, but keep showing them support and letting them know that you are there for them.

Do

  • Tell an adult you trust. You may feel scared to talk to someone about this, or be worried you may get your friend into trouble, but telling someone can really help them to get out of a difficult situation.
  • Report it (or ask an adult to) to the Police. There is a special part of the police that is responsible for protecting children and young people from grooming called CEOP.

Safeguarding at school

Information for young people and professionals about the role of school in safeguarding young people from grooming.

Educational professionals play a crucial role in protecting and safeguarding children. School staff will come into frequent contact with young people through the nature of their work and are therefore in a position to be able to spot any possible signs of abuse.

Often young people do not realise that their relationship with their groomer is exploitative and abusive; they may feel that they have a ‘special relationship’ with them. Groomers will use various ways of encouraging the relationship, such as flattery, attention and gifts, as well as threats and intimidation, to exert control over the young person and instil dependency.

School can safeguard children by:

  • Creating safe environments for children and young people through robust safeguarding practices.
  • Ensuring that adults who work in the school, including volunteers, don’t pose a risk to children.
  • Making sure staff are trained, know how to respond to concerns and keep up-to-date with policy and practice.
  • Teaching children and young people about staying safe.
  • Maintaining an environment where children feel confident to approach any member of staff if they have a worry or problem.
  • Being aware of the process of making referrals to children’s social care teams/safeguarding teams.

If any member of school staff has a concern regarding a young person, they should follow their own organisation’s child protection policy and speak to the designated safeguarding lead.

The NSPCC, in partnership with the School of performance and media production at York St John University, has developed teaching resources to help children and young people recognise concerning behaviour and identify characteristics of positive relationships. It’s Not OK includes lesson plans, short films and accompanying activities about topics such as: harmful sexual behaviour; child sexual abuse; child sexual exploitation; sexting; and grooming. The resources are designed to be used with children and young people aged 11 and over.

It’s Not OK helps children and young people recognise concerning behaviour and identify characteristics of positive relationships. The lesson plans, films and accompanying activities cover what behaviour to look out for and how to respond to it.

It’s Not OK reinforces the importance of building and maintaining positive relationships and recognising and responding to behaviour relating to:

  • Online safety.
  • Grooming.
  • Sexting.
  • Harmful sexual behaviour.
  • Child sexual abuse.
  • Child sexual exploitation.

Links to external organisations and services that can protect young people from grooming and help anyone affected by it.

Statutory guidance on inter-agency working to safeguard and promote the welfare of children.

Go to Working together to safeguard children Government Publications Go to What to do if you’re worried a child is being abused Government Publications

Guidance to help practitioners identify the signs of child abuse and neglect and understand what action to take.

Go to NSPCC Go to ChildLine Go to Children’s Society Go to UK Police Safety Centre

Are you worried about online sexual abuse or the way someone has been communicating with you online?

Go to Barnado’s

Personal Experience

If you’d like to share your personal experience, email [email protected] to find out more.